The Perfect Sentiment

February 28, 2016

The Perfect Sentiment

(For Blondie)

45 minutes.  I was in that store, on that aisle for about 45 minutes.  Reading hundreds of cards, holding on to the possible winners while inching up and down the aisle reading more.  Deciphering which sentiment best described us, our relationship, our love.  I finally selected a card.  It was not too long. It was not excessively lovey-dovey.  It was real.  Truthful.  Honest.  It was us.  Its signature was perfect.  Signed “To the Guy I Love”.  My first Valentines card purchased in my adult life for a man I loved.

I never got to give him that card.  It sat on my desk signed, sealed and undelivered.  It eventually was delivered to the trash.  That card, though cautiously selected could not convey what is really true about us.  I guess that is why I am writing this sentiment.

Before him I can honestly say that I never loved any one nor been loved by any one.  Parts of me were loved, idolized, lusted.  I was never loved as a whole with pureness.  Because of those experiences I am cautious with my heart.  It was him who assured me, through actions, that it was safe to let down my guards.  He listened to my every word whether said, typed, written or unsaid.  He communicated with me only with kindness and honesty and never with anger, disrespect, or ill intent.  Secure in who he is as a man and compassionate for my feelings as his woman, he supported me in gaining closure from an ex in my recent past.  It is rare to come across a man or woman willing to do that.  He respected my morals and values, never overstepping or violating my wishes.  He was okay with my silence, my nerdy sense of humor, my old soul, and the “grandma” in me.  Never wanting to change who I am nor control me, he genuinely loved me inside out and showed it with consistency through action.

He was not perfect.  There were times that were not fairy tale, but with communication, selflessness, and absence of pride; he with maturity, was able to apologize and correct the mishap with sincerity.  There were not many times as such, nor were these times irreconcilable for fatal to the relationship, but even then he handled them with extreme care.  He gave me hope in finding love in a man.  He proved my insecurities wrong by loving me.  All of me.  He met every standard and exceeded my highest expectations.  I was worth waiting for, worth courting, worth a sincere connection, worth being vulnerable with.

Though the twists, turns, valleys, heights, setbacks, and breakthroughs of life have physically parted us and we no longer bask in the joys of companionship, I have come to peace with who we are and what we have.  The tears I cried when parting with him are not the same tears that gently fell when composing this sentiment.  Then, those tears were sadness in losing the first man I have loved.  Now, tears of joy.  Joy in having experienced real love.  Joy in having the opportunity to love without regret.  Joy in participating in equally reciprocated love.  Joy in having a man in my life who was nothing short of a blessing.  Pure and genuine as my friend and lover he encouraged, supported, and respected me.  He was a gentleman behind closed doors and in front of the world.  He was transparent and honest with me about everything.  He listened. He cared. He was kind, patient, and selfless.  He is my love.

I appreciate him and his love.  I thank him for having my heart and caring for it.  I thank him for his courage.  Courageous enough to be vulnerable and trust me with his heart.  I am glad we were good to each other and good for each other.  I am glad we took care of each other spiritually and emotionally in which resulted in fostered love.  Though our physical relationship is no longer and may never again exist, our love has no expiration.  What we created together will never be forgotten and always felt.  That truth is something Hallmark could never express with preciseness.  I am glad I am able to.

-To the Guy I Love

Francina