February 28, 2016
The Perfect Sentiment
(For
Blondie)
45 minutes. I was in
that store, on that aisle for about 45 minutes.
Reading hundreds of cards, holding on to the possible winners while
inching up and down the aisle reading more.
Deciphering which sentiment best described us, our relationship, our
love. I finally selected a card. It was not too long. It was not excessively
lovey-dovey. It was real. Truthful.
Honest. It was us. Its signature was perfect. Signed “To
the Guy I Love”. My first Valentines
card purchased in my adult life for a man I loved.
I never got to give him that card. It sat on my desk signed, sealed and
undelivered. It eventually was delivered
to the trash. That card, though
cautiously selected could not convey what is really true about us. I guess that is why I am writing this
sentiment.
Before him I can honestly say that I never loved any one nor
been loved by any one. Parts of me were
loved, idolized, lusted. I was never
loved as a whole with pureness. Because
of those experiences I am cautious with my heart. It was him who assured me, through actions, that
it was safe to let down my guards. He
listened to my every word whether said, typed, written or unsaid. He communicated with me only with kindness and
honesty and never with anger, disrespect, or ill intent. Secure in who he is as a man and
compassionate for my feelings as his woman, he supported me in gaining closure
from an ex in my recent past. It is rare
to come across a man or woman willing to do that. He respected my morals and values, never
overstepping or violating my wishes. He
was okay with my silence, my nerdy sense of humor, my old soul, and the “grandma” in me. Never wanting to change who I am nor control
me, he genuinely loved me inside out and showed it with consistency through
action.
He was not perfect.
There were times that were not fairy tale, but with communication,
selflessness, and absence of pride; he with maturity, was able to apologize and
correct the mishap with sincerity. There
were not many times as such, nor were these times irreconcilable for fatal to
the relationship, but even then he handled them with extreme care. He gave me hope in finding love in a man. He proved my insecurities wrong by loving me. All of me.
He met every standard and exceeded my highest expectations. I was worth waiting for, worth courting,
worth a sincere connection, worth being vulnerable with.
Though the twists, turns, valleys, heights, setbacks, and
breakthroughs of life have physically parted us and we no longer bask in the
joys of companionship, I have come to peace with who we are and what we
have. The tears I cried when parting
with him are not the same tears that gently fell when composing this sentiment. Then, those tears were sadness in losing the
first man I have loved. Now, tears of
joy. Joy in having experienced real
love. Joy in having the opportunity to
love without regret. Joy in
participating in equally reciprocated love.
Joy in having a man in my life who was nothing short of a blessing. Pure and genuine as my friend and lover he
encouraged, supported, and respected me.
He was a gentleman behind closed doors and in front of the world. He was transparent and honest with me about
everything. He listened. He cared. He
was kind, patient, and selfless. He is
my love.
I appreciate him and his love. I thank him for having my heart and caring
for it. I thank him for his
courage. Courageous enough to be
vulnerable and trust me with his heart.
I am glad we were good to each other and good for each other. I am glad we took care of each other
spiritually and emotionally in which resulted in fostered love. Though our physical relationship is no longer
and may never again exist, our love has no expiration. What we created together will never be
forgotten and always felt. That truth is something Hallmark
could never express with preciseness. I
am glad I am able to.
-To the Guy I
Love
Francina
